Mary and I had an Olive Garden gift card from who-knows-when, and we decided to go out to dinner and use it tonight. After someone gave us the finger for jacking his parking spot, we took our seat and started to decide on our order. Our waiter, Joe, came up to the table, offered us a sample of wine, etc. He had a bit of a speech impediment, but nothing too out of the ordinary.
After taking our drink orders, he started talking to us about how he was the writer for many of the Hannah Montana songs... yup. He walked away, and we all just assumed maybe he was an intern or something. Maybe he had something to do with the production of the songs, who knows. He was working at the Olive Garden, after all.
Joe returns to the table, and continues talking about how he wrote the Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus?) songs, and that he doesn't get any royalties for whatever stupid reason. He also told us that when Billy Ray Cyrus came to town, he went up and talked to him about how its funny that his daughter is more famous than him... And that Miley Cyrus was there, and he gave her hell about not being able to hit a high F note. He was very obviously full of shit, but whatever. I don't give half a damn about Hannah Montana and if he wants to fantasize about writing her songs, who cares.
He asked me what I did for a living, and I told him that I play poker. Instantly, he started talking about how he used to be a Magician down in Atlantic City, and that he could count cards at blackjack. Oh, and he was friends with David Copperfield.
I'll try to recreate this next quote as best I can: "So yeah, when you have a 16, you have 40 to 1 odds to win. But when you have a 17, you're 60 to 1 odds to lose."
I laughed and responded "Dude, that doesn't make any sense at all."
He said "Yes it does!" and walked away.
After he returned, Mary asked him if he would do a magic trick for us. He said that his manager wouldn't let him do tricks any more...but he would do one for us anyway. He picked up a nickel, had me hold out my hand, and told me to catch the nickel when he dropped it. He then tossed the nickel to the floor, pretended to put a nickel in my hand, and stared at me.
"...it's right there"
He said, "Yeah, it works better with chips," and left.
Randomly during the course of the meal, he also let us know that he was 23 years old, had a heart-attack at 18, and lives every day like it's his last.
Maybe this actually did happen, and he recreated his past to be something more glamorous...
Or maybe he was entirely full of shit.
Who knows.
All I know is he had the pedo-smile.
You know the pedo-smile.
Anybody with this creepy fucking smile needs to be kept away from children and small animals.
At least he has Hannah Montana and David Copperfield to keep him company.
Yeesh.
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